Friday Night Meditation

For me, It takes a while to be truly comfortable around people, and after losing a lot of close friends to college, I spend a lot more time to myself these days. To be honest, I’ve quite enjoyed the time to really focus and get things done. Productivity has been at record highs (not saying much) with the influx of free time, and God’s used it in some really beautiful ways. But every once in a while I’ll come across a Friday night where I happen to be off work, I haven’t made any plans with anyone, and I begin to feel that subtle gnawing desire for companionship. Even the most introverted of people get lonely sometimes because at the end of the day, we were made to be social creatures. People are a necessary source of love and comfort that we draw from throughout each of our lives. They’re kind of like anchors, and when we go too long without any socially significant interaction, we begin to drift and disconnect from the world.

Anyway, there I was on a Friday night just wishing for something more than an evening watching Netflix on my couch. I didn’t just need something to occupy my time, I needed something significant to satisfy my longing. I found myself in prayer, searching God, asking “What would you have me do with a night like this?” If I stayed home, I’d probably find myself watching TV, eating, maybe having a quiet time or something. If I went out with some friends, it would probably be an afternoon of really dumb jokes and wasted money, but at the end of the day, the version of my evening where I went out and the version of my evening where I stayed home both felt like a waste to me. I wanted to experience something significant, but I found myself stuck in a pit of heavy emptiness.

Sometimes when I want to clear my head or to just get some air, I’ll go play basketball or soccer by myself at the elementary school near my house. I often find this can be a very revitalizing time for me in prayer. I think its something about the sunset combined with the exercise component that just makes it easy to find some peace in the brain. I decided it would be better for me to go get some open air rather than mope around all night, so that’s what I did. What I hadn’t anticipated were two little 4th graders running out from the parking lot, asking if I wanted to play soccer with them. I was a little caught off guard as the whole reason I was there was to get some space. But how was I to turn away a couple of elementary schoolers when I was clearly using their goal. Hesitantly, I accepted their offer, though I was doubtful that they would provide much competition.

There’s something beautiful about the spirit of children, it’s unburdened, light, and joyful. We can forget how stiff and brittle the world has made us, but children possess a whimsical tenderness that flows out of them like a breath of fresh air. They exude this genuine love for life that oftentimes I lose track of. So there I was, playing goalie for two kids almost half my age, wondering how I’d gotten there. And as I watched them race to get to the ball, I was uplifted by this refreshing energy that they carried on their faces. These kids had something almost divine that most people sort of lose as they grow older, and you couldn’t help but feel inspired by it. I laughed to myself as the Lord had answered my prayer. It felt as if he were saying to me, “What better company to have than these? Where would you rather be than here?” My spirit was no longer filled by loneliness but of gratitude. For “I sought the Lord and he answered me, he delivered me from all my fears.” When it came time for them to leave, I told them that I had fun playing with them, and they left to walk home. I stood their looking at the sky, listening to a certain song, and I was hit with one of those special breezes that make you feel overwhelmingly at peace in the moment. I literally almost cried, It was such a wholesome expierience. When I got home that night, I had two important ideas to think about.

1. God will answer you in your time of darkness if you call on him. Before you slip into those stints of Netflix and Youtube to try and occupy the inner void, allow him space to work, and it could be sweeter than it’s ever been. “The faces of those who call on him are radiant”.

2. When Jesus called the children to him and told the disciples “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven”, I believe Jesus is referring to the way children don’t try to earn a place by Jesus’ side with their works, it doesn’t even cross their mind. They simply walk right up to him in thoughtless fascination and interact with him out of the rawest, most unrefined projection of themselves. While there is a lot to be learned from this text about the posture of our hearts in regards to how we accept grace and approach God, I think there is another layer to it that suggests that when we come to understand this childlike humility, our own spirits will reflect a more authentic joy and flexibility like that of my new little friends from the field. And just as they refreshed me, we will refresh the world when they see our radiance in such stark contrast to the normal groove of society. Jesus brought those little kids to me that I might see and understand his words with my own eyes. Jesus called the children to show me the nature of his people. If we truly understand grace and the nature of our unearned salvation, we will appear like children to the onlookers, jocund and light, full of wonder.